Here's to You

Messiah College wasn’t my first choice, it wasn’t my second either.  Attending the school my father did, only fifteen minutes from my childhood home, was not on my list of plans, but then I visited just to see, and I haven’t wanted to leave ever since.  So here I am, four years later, a multitude of memories gathered and experiences shared, and I am told that I have to leave (because being a student forever is not economically responsible). I look back on this journey and I find it so bittersweet to leave the place I have learned to call home. 

            I remember the first night I arrived on campus, to that dorm room on the third floor of Witmer, as if it was yesterday. I can easily recall the walk from Hitchcock to Brubaker after saying goodbye to my parents, the nervous journey to Jordan/Kline with my peer group, and that first meeting on my floor.  If I had known then just how much my life would change, I may have been even more anxious than I was.  Instead, I giggled and joked my way through the first few days on campus, participating in everything I could and learning what it meant to live with others for the first time. That feeling of summer camp quickly faded though along with the warm summer weather. 

            Upon coming to Messiah I had a very naive view of what life would be like in a Christian College environment.  I was sure I would meet nice people, have the chance to live out my faith, and do a great deal of service.  What I never expected to find I did. My time here has been so much more than the things I once thought it would be.  Yes, I talked about the deeper life issues, I learned to struggle, to ask questions about my faith and to be pushed. After four years, I know I am who I have grown to be because I had professors, mentors, and advisers who cared enough about those questions to give me the space to answer them.

            Most of all, I found a place to belong.  Somewhere between August 28, 2008 and graduation, I realized that 1000 shared meals in lottie would make the best friends, that I would buy more Messiah tshirts than anyone needed, and that all that money and time I spent in the Union would make it more than just the student center by the time I left. Sometime between going to basketball games and actually having friends on the team, it came to matter and at some point Powerhouse was no longer just a weekly worship service; it was something I looked forward to. A chance to be alone with God while surrounded by my peers.

            People outside of the Messiah community would probably question my devotion to a place I came and went from for the last four years, but then again, those people don’t understand why I chose Messiah in the first place.  When I think about the people I have left I understand why this time is so bittersweet.  It finally makes sense why you have to take the goodbyes and the change in order to really appreciate what you ever had in the first place. 

            So here I am, having taken every last chance to make the most of my time.  I stayed up late, going on walks to the swinging bridge just because I could, visited Bakers more often than I should, and went to chapel consistently, because I understand that someday soon I wouldn't get the chance to do these things.  Yes, the people I have come to know and be loved by will still be a part of my life, of this I am completely sure, but never again will I have this experience.  My time at Messiah is such a shining example of why the college experience is not just about the academics, and the learning that happens is not always in the classroom. And it’s because of that I know I’ll be back.

The above photo is filled with the people who I will take with me everywhere I go because we all have people we could not imagine our lives without. These are some of mine.

If I had given a speech, if I had written something for the world to react to, or for our entire community to reflect upon, I bet it would be simple... "Hold tight to the ones you love and don't ever let go. Be the last to say goodbye, the first to initiate plans, and no matter what, be the friend you wish to have."

May 12, 2012. A week ago today, I graduated.

FINALLY part of me screams and yet, the other,
(a little more silent right now but just lingering under the surface), says "please don't forget about me"

For late night conversations… thank you.

For showing me what it means to be friends with a man again… thank you.

For long walks and talks about life… thank you.

For encouraging me to follow my dreams all the way to Indiana… thank you.

For loving me when I didn’t know how to love myself… thank you.

The people in this photo represent so much more than the good I will take with me from Messiah College, they represent all I learned about myself in the last four years. And yes, I am heartbroken to leave.  Even now typing this I know that I will see some of them in a week.  A few are on bikes riding back from the west coast and creating an adventure of their own. One is already married and others are going to be married by this time next year (some by this time in three months). One of them will be in Indiana with me (thank goodness!). A few live within twenty minutes, and others are over eight hours away.

While I write this, I cry. Not as much from sadness as from joy, because it will never be goodbye, not for us. This is just another “see you later” with maybe a bit more time in between our meeting.

So here’s to you. My beautiful, nurturing, impossible to forget friends. A week ago I held you and said I would miss you, and a week later, I know I always will.

Until we meet again…