Springtime

There is a piece of land not far from here,
where once I laid my head to rest.
In autumn the colors change,
leaves drop off of aging trees.
Winter comes and with it brings,
the bitter chill of northeast winds,
Taking with it my charming friends.
The ones in which I found myself,
Jumping in.

I have walked that land
A time or two.
To the red sided barn,
Down to the water’s edge and back again.
Once with you,
Twice alone.

When springtime came I saw it too,
But only in this head of mine
For with the rush of winter gone,
You left me just the same.
And so I missed the change,
that is sure to have taken place.
Missed opening buds with pinks and yellows
that take the place of browns,
In springtime.

Now the land I walk is different now.
late at night
To the garden green
Up to the house I call ours.
Once alone
Twice with him.

Never with you my one time friend.

You are beautiful.
If there is one thing I would help you see it is just how beautiful you are to me.

You are so worried about what other will think.
You're too skinny,
too fat,
too blond
too brunette.
Too perky,
too sweet,
not enough mystery.

But there's something
I want you to know,
something very simple,
you see.

My daughter, my prize,
you are beautiful to me.

You are stunning.
captivating.
a true delight.
You are a joy,
an angel,
through you shines my light.

And I understand You're worried,
it's in your nature to be,
but please, my child,
be patient with me.

For I have a plan,
a purpose for you.
You need not fret or feel afraid
I know what it is I chose to do.

So follow me closely, this is my only request.
So you can understand what has yet to unfold.
The dreams I have for you are yet to be told.
But I promise you one thing,
they are much better you see,
than anything you could imagine
outside of me.

You will sing.
You will dance.
Your heart will know rest.
When you wait on me, for I am not finished just yet.
I know you are hurried,
I have not turned from your tears,
but my darling please know just how close, I am here.
I have not gone missing while you toil in vain,
I know every heart break,
I have felt all your pain.
But please, my daughter, I have another request,
stop wasting your time that is my plea,
instead of seeking please just depend on me.
For I know you are troubled and your heart has been burdened before,
because you have for so long searched for an open hand,
an open door.
But he was not right,
he did not fit.
and still you blame yourself,
as if it was you in control.

There is truth to grasp,
something only I can see.
I have better waiting for you, please trust in me.
Yes, others could do,
you could settle for sure,
but what I have planned will never leave you wanting more.

He is calm,
He is patient,
loyal to his core.
He is seeking me too first just as you are.
So please, stop looking,
for false versions of the one.
You will only end up tired of running a race you were not meant to have won.
He will laugh when you laugh,
and cry when you cry.
He will admit he is wrong,
the harmony to your song.
But my daughter,
remember,
he is only a gift.

His integrity will be evident,
even from afar,
and in every situation he will guard your heart as his own,
and treat you like I've treated the church for so long.
With respect and affirmation for his bride,
His love from you he will not hide.
There is no fear for safety when you are by his side.

My princess,
believe me.
I see the things you cannot.
There are days to be spent and memories to be made,
before any prince could bend down on one knee.

So be patient
just as I am with you,
and trust me enough to let me do my work.
Continue to pray continually with all your heart.

I hear you,
I'm near,
I alone am more than enough.
So while you are waiting please would you take my hand.
learn to dance with me and enjoy the romantic I am.
For I will carry you,
easily though,
this journey in life.

And while you are near,
I will whisper sweet things.
I will tell you just how much I love you,
while you wait by my side.

And although the night can be long,
and the darkness seems so near.
Please my daughter,
Remember, I am here.

Stretching beyond the smile
that graces my last moments of rest,
With the flutter of heavy eye lids
the shape you make disappears.
The sunrise greets me
as ivory curtains rise
and the soft cocoon I lay in
retreats down curvy sides
but the memory does not release me,
I’m held within your grasp
as I make my way toward town
and come on home again
until the fifth day comes
and I’m in your arms once more
I wonder through this daze
and dream of you my friend.

The flash across the stillness is angry
As the body next to you is punched to its seat
Glued into position,
You reign down your judgment
Your barrage begins.
Words fly from that slashing tongue,
without hesitation.
without contemplation.

Your hand is innocent; it would never strike my cheek
You would never lay a hand
Not in love,
Not in hate.
But the sentences you form slap their way across my mouth
bruising along the way
they still my tongue, I taste salt

Blue eyes behind some glare find the window
As your accusations continue
Callusing my heart
Demeaning my thoughts
And I am stilled.

Stoically choking back the tears brought forth.

I focus on the moon,
The size of the sky
I let your words into one ear,
and out the other fly
But it’s far too late to miss it,
I need not reply
For what you meant to say,
I hear.
Without the words ever leaving your lips,
You exclaim…

“I want you to be different,
Change who you are.
Cut out the laughter,
Get the hell out of my car.
Remove your heart,
Your feelings,
I’m not man enough for that.
I’m strong enough to hurt you,
not enough to take it back
And even as your beg me,
For what I know you need,
Your heart is not a treasure,
Don’t keep yourself deceived
Because I am not a hero
My horse is grey and dark
I don’t want you with another,
but I sure don’t want you how you are”

And when you’re done firing
You ask me what I think
But I am empty minded
I have already heard all you had to say.

When I look back,
I’m scared to say,
“I may remember you.”
There is a fear, that chills me to the bone,
that you may linger here.

In the back of my mind,
twenty years from now
while I lay awake.
Unstirred,
by another man.

As ice circles melt,
As the tulips grow
Days will pass,
My mind will begin to stumble,
But you will linger here.

In some dark corner,
Behind some distant memory.

Until your face,
from my mind is aroused,
and it is then that my thoughts will shame me.

As I feel your breath.

As I see your bright eyes.

I will be amazed,
That even though you were so long ago,

You will linger here.